Feeling more processed than normal

For those of you who don't know (which is admittedly a lot of you) Charis and Pax are both going to school now.  I'm not trying to keep it a secret. And I'm not completely ashamed (okay, not really at all), it's just been so hard to talk about. I can barely talk about it with Caleb. I'm taking it all in, and constantly questioning. But I haven't been able to do much output. So, I apologize to those of you who are finding out about this through my blog. I've really only talked about it with local friends and family. And they will testify that I haven't been able to talk with them about it much either. I feel like a kid. My mom asks me how the kids are doing in school, and I say, "fine". But, oh, there is so much more. But how to say it all?

Why are they going to school now? Well, because they want to. It started with the girl. She's had mild interest in school for some time. And has asked lots of questions. But she always went back to her love for her unschooled life. She thought school sounded boring and hard. But one night, after a long questioning session about "what is school like?" she asked if she could try it for a day. I said I'd look into it. So, we took a tour of the local public school (she couldn't visit for the day - that'd be too distracting they said). After that she was hooked. She REALLY wanted to try out school. So we enrolled her. 

After a couple weeks of her in school Pax wanted to try something too. But Charis' school was too big and scary for him. So we found this little homeschool charter school. It's only 4 days a week and they are much more laid back than public schools. He is in a class of 16 students who range from K-2nd grade.

They both like school for the most part. They are going completely by choice and are allowed to be done with it whenever they like. So far they like it enough to keep going. Charis really likes seeing friends everyday, and the volume of options. She likes that everything is big. Lots of people, lots of teachers, lots of balls and swings. She a "lotsa" girl. Pax likes playing with friends and doing science and art projects. They both seem to like having a thing that is their own. 

Jonas and I have enjoyed having more time together. He is super fun. But he misses his brother and sister while they are at school.

Me? Some days I like it. I feel much more purposeful in life. And my house is cleaner. And the break is nice. But I hate homework. (Thankfully Pax's school doesn't really do the homework thing.) And I hate not knowing all her friends and their parents. And I don't like the 'tude she brings home. And I miss our sweet little homeschool life. I liked being out of the "system". It is so flawed and insufficient in many ways. I worry about the influence that it's having on them. 

I don't know. We are willing to pull them out if it seems it's having a really negative impact on our family. But we're willing to keep at if they want to. I'm working to become an advocate for my kids at their schools. I'm getting as involved as I can in everything. I want them to see my face and influence even when they're not at home.

So that is our life right now.  It is still so good. And I'm thankful for this time to evaluate and change and grow. My prayer life was improved greatly through all this. I'm so much more aware of my kid's need of God's grace. And of my own. And I feel He is giving it.